


jared kleinman's guide on kissing boys

by saw2004



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: F slur tw, M/M, Middle School, dumbass 13 year olds, jared and evan kiss in a shitty school bathroom (not clickbait)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-30
Updated: 2020-01-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:54:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22483699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saw2004/pseuds/saw2004
Summary: jared makes a list about how much middle school sucks total ass, except for this one kid.
Relationships: Evan Hansen/Jared Kleinman
Comments: 5
Kudos: 80





	jared kleinman's guide on kissing boys

**Author's Note:**

> please ask me about my deh hcs there r so many

* * *

middle school, to put it simply, was ass. total, undiluted ass.

so many kids trying to figure themselves out way too early, kids adapting this ego or this coverup to themselves to try and fit in, trying to redo their personality by the time they hit 7th grade, maturing too early-

bullshit, it’s all bullshit.

jared kleinman has discovered a couple things entering the 7th grade. he’s dedicated an entire page in his journal for it too, written down in cheap red pen ink.

_The Insanely Cool Jared Kleinman’s Analysis of one Oak Grove Middle School_

_Number 1) People fucking suck_

people do suck big time. kid’s will see the fat jewish kid with braces and buck teeth and think damn, that’s how i’m going to spend my time! hurling cheap insults at a 13 year old!

_Number 2) Evan Hansen is a dumb little cry baby and i am not going to kiss him no i wont_

jared remembers how last week in gym he heard grace walton say that her parents say that if you’re a guy and you kiss guys then it’s a sin. it made his blood boil for some reason he couldn’t exactly pinpoint. he called grace a bitch and she looked him dead in the eye and said ‘it’s true, jared! momma says that fags go to hell! the pastor says it too, ya know! not that you would know, anyways. haaaw, you’re probably a fag, jare! yeah! y’all, look! jared likes booooys!’

then jared, in all his triumphant glory, stood up to the girl three inches taller than him, voice cracked when he called her a whore and proceeded to run to the bathroom to cry.

jared clenches the pen in his chubby little fist and huffs.

_Number 3)_ ~~ _Dont_~~ _Don’t look at boys in the bathroom_ _especially Evan Hansen_

last week when jared had stomped out of the gymnasium and down the hallway to the right to the bathroom with the weird stain on the door (not the other one with the blood on the ceiling, at least that’s what kevin mcafee says it is), he saw evan.

evan hansen, the boy he had to invite to his bar mitzvah two months ago. the boy that only drank the cheap fruit punch his mom brought out and sat in his backyard the whole time. jared almost felt sorry for the dude for even inviting him. he only invited him because his cousin jeremy was friends with evan’s mom’s sister’s family in new jersey. stupid cousin jeremy. stupid new jersey. stupid family friend rules.

jared remembers bringing out a plate of baked ziti to the boy that looked uncomfortable in his own skin. he plopped himself right down next to him on the old porch and haphazardly placed a paper plate of ziti on his lap.

he’s getting off topic. focus, jared, you are up to very important business.

he saw evan standing there in front of the mirror scrubbing at his hands with soap a little too hard. jared gave him a concerned look and quickly wiped off a wad of snot dripping out of his nose along with hot tears. evan grimaced and looked even more worried than before, smiling forcefully at jared, braces and rubber hands and all sortsa weird shit and all. they did nothing but stand and stare at each other for what felt like forever.

“uh. are you okay..? you look like- like shit.” evan remarked quietly.

jared made a noise similar to a dog being stepped on- a high pitched, defeated little whine, before he cleared his throat.

“fine. dandy. wouldn’t yoooou like to know, weather boy.” he jabbed a finger angrily at evan, who flinged his still wet hands up in defense.

“mmn- sorry, sorry.” he flinched.

even with evan being twice jared’s size, he looked like he was about to crumble in his current position.

they continued staring at each other for forever until jared breaked the silence this time.

“...grace called me a fag.” he pouts.

“grace walton from fifth period language arts?” evan asks.

“grace walton from fifth period language arts. how would you know?”

“um- we have a class together. grace sits up near the board with her friends. i sit near the window, uh.” evan wringed his hands.

“i have that class, too. i think i see you sometimes. there’s a free seat next to me now since connor murphy from second grade got his schedule moved. you should sit there. gotta ask mrs. g, though.” jared explained, hands in his cargo shorts pockets.

“oh.” is all that evan said.

they stand there again in uncomfortable silence.

“i- i’m sorry she called you that word, uh. that- that isn’t really nice. at all.” evan stammered. his hands are long since dry but he rubbed them on his pants anyways.

“you- you want a hug?” evan offered quietly, and jared laughs.

“pheheheh! that’s gay! that is so, so gay, dude. weeeeirdo. hah. ahahah.” jared tries to ignore how his face was slowly heating up.

“i meeeean, what’s better than this? guys being dudes! not! hah! get- uh, get a grip, hansen! we’re men, we’re big boys, we don’t need fuckin’ hugs or whatever, not like i even need it, like-!! what else, hansen, a fat smooch? eh? you a fruit, ev? is that it- oh.”

and evan is already hugging him.

he has to bend down, and it’s a little awkward because evan’s sort of draped over jared but it’s fine, even though jared has a face full of evan’s dingy baby blue sweatshirt.

jared wrinkled his nose and tried not to cry again.

he slowly brought his arms around evan’s slim waist and hugs back, grumbling.

the two stay like that for a minute before pulling apart, evan’s hands on jared’s shoulders. his entire body’s warm, jared thinks, like a walking space heater.

“um. is that better? i- i’m sorry, wait, maybe that was weird or something.” evan said quickly, ready to let go.

that’s when jared reached up to grab at evan’s face, pulling him down and kissing him right on the mouth.

guys being dudes. sure.

~~_5_~~ _4) Don’t kiss Evan again im not gay not gay no sir_

jared kissed hard, pretty much almost hitting evan’s mouth with his mouth. he’d never kissed anyone but his mom, and even then he wasn’t allowed to kiss on the mouth. there was that time he got kicked out of a comic book store for making out with the black widow figurine on display, but he doesn’t count that.

evan stood there completely dumbfounded. it felt like a leech was sucking on his face to be fair, and yet there was that small bit of curiosity in his body that wanted to keep going. and so he did, leaning in and kissing jared back.

jared, on his tiptoes, moved his hands from evan’s face to the back of his neck to yank him down further. evan yelped in surprise when not only he was pulled down, but a small ‘click’ and tugging sensation appeared in his mouth.

it was at this moment when jared david benjamin kleinman knew he fucked up.

pulling his head back jerked evan forward, and evan pulling back jerked jared forward.

good fucking christ.

“ah- bra’ches- e’aaaaan-!!” jared yelped.

jared was currently in two predicaments.

one. his face was not only liplocked, but teethlocked with evan hansen, standing helplessly in the middle school bathroom, his suffering brought about by the impulsive ball of discovering homo that was jared himself.

two. jared is 4’11 exact. evan is 5’6.

do you see a problem here.

looking back, jared certainly does.

“mmn- ja’ed, so’y, sow’y-”

jared groaned in frustration in response.

evan squinted for a moment in thought, before his face lit up. slowly, he crouched down further, before scooping up jared by his legs, standing back up with jared held eye level with evan. evan gave a weak smile and jared absolutely melted.

slowly, evan moved himself towards the door, turning and using his back to push the door open. out in the hallway, evan jerked his head (effectively jerking jared’s, too,) towards the end of the hallway. a door to the right labelled ‘nurse’s office’ clued jared in, and he makes a noise of understanding.

here jared sits now on his bed, holding a marble composition book and running his tongue over the three missing brackets on his front teeth. his orthodontist is gonna kill him.

kinda worth it though, the more he thinks about it.

he writes one more thing before shutting the book.

_5) People fucking suck except for Evan Hansen i guess_


End file.
